Neither Hung nor Bitter

Neither Hung up or bitter:  CLOSURE

It’s been over eight years since my ex and I split… eight full years of growth and through these years I have done a lot of thinking.  Now back story with me and my ex.  I had been single (had some past issues) and a friend set us up.  Now originally she wanted to set me up with my ex’s best friend.  My Ex we will call him D, was single at the time, just having gotten out of a one year relationship with a girl.  We started to go out, the shallow part of me thought he had a nice body, someone interested in me who wasn’t what I predicted I would date. (Especially since I was a larger girl I predicted I would date a bigger man) so to date someone at that time with Muscles was a total shock to me.   I wont lie he was the first man I slept with, something I do regret.   Anyways, I wont lie through out the relationship I seen the other side to things, however I accept people for who they are, flaws and all. I accepted him even though there was a ton of things that bothered me, or hurt me.   We got engaged, although even in the engagement I felt that I was settling. That I couldn’t find better or no one else would want me, so hang onto what you got, sort of ideal.  Things in the relationship were not good; I made all the effort, I carried him, and took care of him.  I was the reliable responsible one, he wasn’t and it was stressful for me.   When we split, I again wont lie, I felt destroyed, even though inside it felt like a blessing.  It was all I knew and with no self esteem believes that no one else would want me flaws and all.

It’s been eight and a half years since then; a little longer then that since he called off the wedding (six months before it). I dated one person since then just after the split up for all of 3 weeks before those things got a little crazy.   Now since then I have had the time to think about things.  Don’t get me wrong I still feel like I don’t deserve someone good to me; but I try.

Many people believe that since I haven’t dated, I am still hung up on my ex.  I’m not, its been a long road, and I have used that time to work on me. I got a Degree, I lost some weight (especially with the idea that I don’t find me attractive who else would).   I worked on myself. I found my own personal faults and worked on those.  I did it for me in the end.   But in the end it always comes down to the same thing, I must be bitter or hung up on.).  Look at it this way, my ex was my first boyfriend,  the first person I slept with,  really he was the one  that gave me my first impression of this world really.   That impression in the end was not good.  Now its not really comparing but it’s a uncertainty as well as insecurity regarding how to be in a relationship. 

When things started to break down between him and I; I never knew it was coming. There was a lot of issues, such as  the fact that he was working (if you can call it working) and I wasn’t, But reason for that was for the longest time I worked and he did not do anything but sleep all day.  When he started working at Lilydale   he told me to take some time off, not work, since I had done it for so long (working since I was 12, evenings weekends, holidays etc).   So I did, but soon got restless… he didn’t want me to work, so I didn’t.  Well I did get one job, but  I couldn’t bring myself to go, I kept getting sick.   Then Jan 2004 I got another job working at a Shell…. I worked two days kept getting sick and finally went to the doctor.  Where a diagnoses of a life time changed my life.  I was diagnosed with OCD and Agoraphobia. Now the OCD I could handle but the Agoraphobia made a whole lot of sense.  When my ex and I were splitting he used this practically as an excuse. Saying that I know had an excuse for my bad work ethic.. (Like he was one to talk since   I had to force him to go to work).    Another he used against me at this time was that I was told I may not be able to have kids.  At the time he used plenty against me.  An old nickname for me used to be mother… why because I tended to take care of people.  Well he was a severe asthmatic, I made sure he had his meds, etc, and the only thing I asked him to do was quit smoking. Seriously he smoked so much, so he took to hiding it (like I didn’t know) including smoking in my car (which had never been smoked in until he did it… or smoking in our bathroom, like we couldn’t tell, or he didn’t burn the seat or the floor.  Really… sigh.  The one thing I asked and he couldn’t even do that for me.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  I learned the hard way.  

Now I recently learned/heard that he is telling people that since I have not dated since we split   I must be hung up on him.  Although I know that is not the case and it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, it is starting to go around that way.  I can’t maintain an average relationship with someone because I compare them all to him. (Not sure really how that works, since really everything I want in a guy, is the total opposite to him.  So yes if I am comparing it’s to find the opposite of him).   

I wont lie I haven’t had sex in 9 ½ years since with him it felt like a chore and with a guy who hated to shower and bath (had plenty of excuses regarding why he didn’t shower and bath etc).  Just so many things,  that no never going back to that and want the best for me… I want someone who is my friend too.

A Partner for the Future

So many things going through my mind lately, one of the biggest is really the idea partner.  Now to be honest not sure what started this thought in my head.  I am not dating anyone, no one is interested so, it is not something that just pops in one’s head; could be a number of things. Lauren a fanatic girl at work, made the strong decision to split up with her boyfriend of nearly three years.  Why because of many of the situations, while she knows in a relationship you sacrifice things, she sacrificed something important to her; while her boyfriend decided to play the cool guy and claim to be sleeping with other girls.  She didn’t need that crap and all the other crap he was dishing out towards her and said screw it; she had enough.

Another reason it could be is a new friend at work, Melisa and I have been talking about it off on.  What really is ones idea mate?   Now honest with my ex there are a lot of things I never experienced that I would have liked too and thing I feel like I miss even though I never had.   I guess in a way you miss the idea of something you didn’t have but would love to experience.

For me it’s the little things, the idea that I am a thought to that person even when I am not around. What I mean by that is the whole, they went to the store, see say some peaches that look really good, and thought I may like them…picked me up one. Or say spotted something and thought of me and had to get it. Not saying I am materialistic, far from it but using that as an example. I am the random person, if I go out and I see something that someone I know likes or collects, I will pick it up for them if I can afford it. I want them to know that I thought of them. It is the little things like that, for another example its like the idea of I worked all day or you know I had a bad day…. It’s stormy or really cold and you know what time I get off, you decide to pick me up… that make my day, to know your concerned. It is those little things that get me. I am the same way though, I would do it for anyone I was seeing; because I want them to know I care, that I am thinking of them or are concerned for them.

I want a person who will accept me for who I am, flaws and all; just like I do for those I am around. I would love someone who knows when to defend me or protect me, and yet at times knows when to let me stand on my own. Someone I can go to when I just need a hug, to cuddle up with when I just need to be held. Now those of you who know me, know I don’t like to be touched, so wanting to have that person to go that I am comfortable with getting a hug or being touched is totally different. At the same time, the person can read me enough when to not to touch me; I usually have signs or so I am told.

Now other things I look for, is someone who is willing to work with me; what I mean by that is say we plan a nice evening together, want to have dinner together, I can help make supper, prep work etc, just working together is a nice thought to me. One thing about me that tends to bother people is that I am not much for going out. I don’t mind at times, I am just not a big fan of all the time; I just am not much of a partier. Like New Years Eve to be honest I would love to stay home, a couple of friends or even just the two of us, a few snacks watching movies, cuddling etc. That sort of thing; but not many people understand that.
I would love someone with a sense of humor, who can make me laugh’ especially when I want to cry. Someone who tries to explain a sci-fi movie or a fantasy understanding I just don’t get it but loves me for it anyways. And someone who can put up with my bad moods because we all do get them, some of us just hide them better… I really don’t think I am.

I am a person who hates being pressured, and sometimes would like a decision made for her. I hate being the one who has to plan everything and make all the effort for something. For example, a camping trip, normally I would have to plan it, find the location, pay for it, pack everything, unpack everything, and set up etc… I don’t mind helping out, but in the end it’s not a vacation for me, since I spend so much time taking care of everything or everyone. Now strange as this is, I guess because I am so use to taking care of people I for once want to have someone who knows when to be the dominate one. The take care of things, like making plans that heritage days is in town, lets go together, we’ll go at this time and catch the bus and spend the day. Or plan a picnic. (Never really did the picnic thing and feel it would be a romantic fun thing).
Another aspect is not only reliability but just responsibility. Many people I know are not the most responsible, reliable people. Seriously I can count on one had really, the people I can count on. People who say they are going to do what they are going to do, people who wont let me down…. Someone who works, not just going to the gas station etc ( not that there is nothing wrong with that, but when I worked so hard to leave the gas station behind me, its some one with a little a go to them, who knows what they want and will work for it, or go for it. I personally have given up on Hope… why because for me I have gotten use to being disappointed and I hated that feeling; so what better way to avoid it then to give up on the part that causes it.

I want a person who I can have fun with, play games with, with a friendly competition, no poor sportsmanship or sore winners/ losers. I like to joke around and have fun, tease a person, but I try to watch the line too, of going too far. A little friendly competition between people, like at work, played a contract bingo, my desk mate and I had a friendly competition going (she beat me by one), but we also helped each other out.

Now like everyone else I have quirks, lol I think we all do, now I know a person may not always find them cute or it may drive a person nut but this kind of leads to the big thing for me. If I don’t know something bothers you or is wrong I CAN’T FIX OR CHANGE IT. Communication is important, time to chat here and there, is good, a relationship build on silence is not good, and neither is one person making the other person feel like they are stupid or should just keep their mouth shut because they are not smart enough to enter into a conversation with anyone.

I am not a drinker, I have stopped that years ago, I don’t smoke, not a big fan of those who do; but I accept them. I don’t do drugs, and really not into drugs, and have strong opinions about them that I do try to keep to myself, but sometimes they do slip out.

I will not lie, I have insecurities, we all do I think in some ways. Mine do range from my past I try to over come, but some things do linger. I am not bidder, I learn from my mistakes; and I guess I want to learn or relearn things with people, discover a different side to myself.

I am a family person and an animal person, I would love to have my own place and have a little kitten of my own. I do things for my family; I love my family and spend some time with them, but like my space too. I guess I just want someone to be my partner, to support me and yet let me be strong too. To create good memories, relearn to love the holidays (any holiday) and create a future with.

Perhaps just not in the cards for me and asking for too much…

Sick and twisted world

I don't know what it is lately.  I feel so stressed, like I have so much to do and not enough time to do it.   Basement leaked a little bit again,  not as bad as before, but when you get up to it, first thing on a monday morning it sucks!.   At least we know where the leak is this time, just not sure what we are going to do about it.    Haven't been feeling well all week either, that just doesn't help.   Eatting bothers my stomach, so I haven't been doing very much of that, (Not affecting my weight at all).  

One good note is that the garage doors finally got done a couple of weeks ago, and  the Garage is totally cleaned out, I have been able to park in there for a bit now! Two car garage is now exactly that,  two car garage!.

Things at work seem alright,  way to much favoritism going on in this place, but really still not as bad as superstore.  Its livable unlike with superstore that it was to the put of nervous breakdown.   Things at home seem ok.  Some of the same crap and drama,  sibling being his normal self,  at least as far as I know, since I don't speak or associate with him.

On another front really WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TOO?   Just read that in Aurora Colorado a man  went on a shooting spree,  killing over 14 people (mainly children and teenagers) at the premiere of a new movie.  Seriously, the youngest was 3 months old and he shot the child at point blank.... POINT blank.   This whole situation just cuts me so deep,  not only for that poor baby and his/her family but for all those other lives lost.  What makes a person do that?  If you want to hurt someone, go hurt yourself instead. (Although that hurts your family and those who care about you), why hurt so many other innocent people.    I just don't know what to make of things in our world any more.   A man eatting another man's face,  cutting someone up and mailing out body parts. HECK watching the video of that,  and others like that.  What is with our sick and twisted society,  why do we have to be this way,  others tragedies are not for our amusement.  A SICK TWISTED WORLD we live in.

Surprise suprise

Surprise,  Surprise

Here we go again,  so it’s a facebook thing again.   So my “sibling” decided to post up in his about me on facebook that he was a bisexual man in an open marriage and looking for friends with benefits.  Now really, I have no issues with a person being bisexual, gay or anything of the sort and to each their own, in life, frig if you want an open marriage  that is between you and your partner.

Now he posted this up, but his wife did not.  Does she know they are in this open marriage? And ven still why make it public?  I mean I know people who are in an open marriage, or swingers and they do not make this public, out of respect for their marriage, their families and friends and even their kids. But that is not happening in this case. He announces it and as normal does not care how it affects anyone else. 

Now another aspect is him saying he is bi, this I doubt, you can be attracted to the same sex sure, turned on by this, but does that make you bi? No it makes you curious until you have gone that next step then your not bit but just curious

Now really another aspect that bother me is really if she Okayed this open marriage and he announces it, I am sorry it seems only one sided. Does she not have any self respect?   Seriously I have lost any ounce of respect I had left for her (not that there was much left,   and none for him at all).  Fine have your open marriage, but really keep it private

I believe in one person marriages/ relationships; If you want to sleep with someone then why be married or in a relationship. I have seen some of these relationships and there is always an agreement in place, but in the end someone misunderstands the agreement or something changes… leading to the end of it.. 

Even  yesterday he posted up a whole if you don’t like what I post on here then unfriend me….. I think he is not realizing that  you are on the internet, it’s a public  area,  that  you leave it open to public opinion, you can’t complain about public opinion.

I am tired of this crap. I want a relationship or marriage that is between two people not three or more.  . 

Had other stuff on my mind lately trying to work through it slowly and eventually  will write it out here I am sure. Just need to take the time to reorganize my thoughts so I can get them down.

The First Step of Many

I don't even know where to start; and I know this has been coming for a very very long time.  And I have said it before,  but last night I think I finally hit my snapping point.  Now I am a very shy girl,  around all people,  until i get to know them and am totally comfortable with them, I am pretty shy.  That is just who I am.  And I do lack experience,  I know this,  I went from my first relationship to no relationship and I threw myself into improving myself, going back to school etc. 

I am trying to get into the dating scene again, and there is a guy in my work buliding that I find kind of cute. SO I messaged my friend and said I wish I had some courage,  she replied back we make our own.. ok got it.. she had asked why. And I told her... Well she snapped at me, basically telling me to get over it and just do it. That I need to get some... (I hate it when people say that) and  basically I should be acting my age, people our age should not have this problem.  Well I am sorry but age has nothing to do with shyness.   She apologizes for snapping at me,  she is just tired of people's bullshit. Didn't realize this was bullshit and that pissed me off. I wont lie; royally pissed and honestly still am.    

I know she is the tough love sort of girl, but enough is enough. SHe dishes out the tough love but when it comes to her recieving it,  she gets mad.   So many things over the years have driven me to be upset with her.  Recently was the whole going on a trip to Vegas with Julie and I. She had made the plans etc etc, but when it came down to booking it, she said nothing.  I found out from another friend  that she didn't have the money to go.  Yet and never said a word to me;  but then she is always posting up about going on vacation with another friend (this was at the same time she  told other friend about not being able to afford to go).    The other day she posted up 54 days until she goes on Vacation... well my issue with that is that she already said she was going to go to Heritiage days with Julie and I, which at that time was in 54 days.   But she is going away with this other friend.  Now wont say I am jealous but it does make one person feel they are not as good as the other.   I am tired of her crap; she complains that she doesn't want drama etc, but she always creates her own.  Everything she does  she creates onto herself,  and yet she complains about that other people are doing it.

She leaves jobs due to issues of stress with co workers  (she starts up the drama,  creates an air around herself and yes her co workers do not care for her)  but a lot of it is due to her acting like she knows more and has experienced more then everyone else.  I have put up with it for years, I accept people for who they are faults and all.   I am at the point that I am tired of it; I am the punching bag.   Always said to be opposites, and people never could believe we could be friends because of our differences.   With her last boyfriend she was pretty good,  only smoked pot.  Not as bad as she use to be.   When they split she went back to her party additude ways.  I can't relate to that and I want more out of life then that. I am through with her.  I normally try and save friendships but I am needing to learn when to let things go.  This is not healthy for me at all.  I have goals and wants in my life, that just don't match her, and I can't keep letting her hurt me.     I already moved her to acquaintance on facebook, because I don't need the drama it would create if I was to directly remove her from my list.  A first step... one of many.  

Family

Wow I do have so much to stay but not really a clue where to start.   Let's go with Family... oh Family.  Now really what is the defination of Family?   According to Dictionary.com  it is: a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.

b. a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

c)any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

d.) all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

Now people say that Family needs to be there for each other; in some ways  I disagree with it;  I understand the concept by why should a distant family member do something for me; when they do not know me?  But then there is the other way of it,  a closer family member, a daughter; a son.    I was raised to be there for my family. If I go out with my grandparents, I pay for them, why should they pay for me. They are my grandparents, they are on a fixed budget, I am young and able, its my treat.     I treat my grandparents with respect;  I would go out of my way for them. The same thing with my parents; so it kills me in side to  see  the way my sibling is treating my mom.  Things have gotten worse since my last post about the subject; and really I think they are just going to get even worse.  My grandmother wants to have a family get together with everyone;  just due to she believes she doesn't have a lot of time left.   She has had some health scares over the past few years, and she is getting older so that is understandable; well my parents offered our yard, since its in the middle for most of the family but one aunt, but its still not across town for her (she is coming from out in the country).   This will  be raising some issues with my sibling who will use it as an excuse not to come, since its held at our house. My dad has offically disowned him, but my mom... she is holding out, she hasn't got to that point (given its her child, understandable).

There is so much more I could say to this but really its like beating a dead horse. LOL  

Too Much Drama

 So many things I would like to discuss but really I have no clue where to start.  Had my first vacation in years; and I enjoyed it although parts of it could have been better.  Other parts of it totally rocked.  Headed to Vegas with my best friend; wanted to see what the hype was all about.  Well to me Vegas was not as good as the hype.  I had a short layover in Phoenix and to be honest that place is browner and then brown and really i was disappointed in the way it looked.  Although it was HOTTER then Vegas. LOL.  The airport was a dump, and not air conditioned... not a great start to the trip.  Left there and landed in Vegas,  totally shocked  over how dark it was at 8 pm at night.  It took forever to get settled in the hotel and get settled.  Julie came the next morning and it was a good start to the Vacation.  Now the Tourist suck, and they were the rudest people.    SOme much happened on the trip and I lvoed it.  Seen the VIva Elvis show and I wont lie,  I cried during it.   But it was the coming home,  all I came home to was DRAMA.  So much drama I hate it.  Drama with family members,  Drama with friends... just over all stupidness that made me want to go back to Vegas. LOL

  There is so much going on right now and I just want to hide from all of it.  Time to think, no pressures from people, no one getting mad at me, just over all Treena space time. I want to go and sit in a cabin by a lake and write, think and or relax.

Just short for now my thoughts are totally jumbled

Short random rant

Another day, another dollar.  At work already, not sure why but finding this week totally exshusting and sadly its only Tuesday.  I sooo can't wait until  Wednesday night. Then at least I have Thursday off, can sleep in a little,  try to refresh, lol. I haven't made my list of things to do as of yet, but its me,  no matter when I start it, I will just keep adding to it.  I want to try and get as much done of that list that I can in the Am and have a total lazy afternoon and do nothing.  HA I know ... I know, me do nothing, that is just crazy.

Well the election is over, and I am happy about that.  The little crap that people say was driving me crazy. They focus on one thing and that is it. 

On another note, yesterday had been my parents 25th wedding anniversary,  and  well wtih all the issues with my "Sibling", his wife posted a message on my mom's wall wishing them one, (HELLO get off facebook)  and call.  But her husband my sibling, doesn't bother because he would need to apologize.  When he gets booted out of his apartment and needs a place to go, or help moving good luck with that. With the way he treats mom and dad, they are tired of it. I have been saying this for years but honestly my family just thinks we fight. They don't realize the reason; they think its just being childish, but its more then that.    I understand people will never understand, or want to understand, or believe in the whole  forgive and forget.  Why should I? I scraficed before and now the family still expects me too... where is the justics for me? 

Just a short random rant, lol

Opinions and such

A new week at work,  and at the end of today there will only be 21 calender days left until I head to Vegas,  got to say it can't come soon enough.   As it is this week along  I am pushing to get to Wednesday evening... why parents are out of town,  whole house to myself. HURRAY!!!.  Lots to do, but Thursday I am hoping to do very little . . . Not sure why that never works but here is to finger's crossed and bad night's sleep  trying to share my bed with  three dogs, lol.  Other then that on early shift so the house should be peaceful, and enjoying the evenings upstairs.  

Things have been bothering me lately, many things, that just keep buliding up,  not sure if its due to the whole not really getting any writing in or anything so not way to relieve my stress. Let's start with one that  has been bothering me off and on for months now.  I am always to blame for everything; there is a glitch in something, or something did not go through, its my fault.  Now I am ok taking the blame for things a lot of the time,  but not all of the time, a girl needs a break once in awhile. And it doesn't matter who it is, they just keep putting it on me. If I did something wrong, or I do realize it is my own fault I have no problem admitting to it, or taking the blame, but  I take it all the time for things that I had nothing to do with. 

Another issue is opinions,  myself like other people are entitled to their own opinion,  now respect other people's  opinions, I am open to hearing them,  (although will tune out if rascist or preachy, but I tend to listen).   But lately its everywhere, and they play the Race/sex/orientation/beliefs card.  I understand all of these are apart of who you are and your values,  and yes I respect your right to have your own opinion on it, but respect mine to have my own.  Like in this recent election,  a few things have been going on;  I know a canadiate represents a party, however, a person is allowed to have their own personal views with out  the Party being connected to it.  One man who is a minister (his other job) is running,  now in his religion it is against same sex marriage.  Well his religion says that, but his own personal views say the opposite and yet people are saying do not vote for the party because of him.... Hello HE IS NOT THE WHOLE PARTY.  He is allowed to have a personal opinion.   Another issue is on a group I was apart of. I do accept other people's opinions, but  when I have one, and other people pretty much disagree (which is fine) but then basically try and point out why I am wrong using their own personal opinions and  then state someone else is correct   because their opinions match isn't exactly right.   With personal opinions no one is RIGHT OR WRONG, that is why its PERSONAL opinions, there are no right or wrong answers. 

Another issue is taking ownership of things.  Issues with our Cable company, and you call them and not getting anywhere, they wont take a blame or anything, they shrug it off.  Take some responsiblity!

On a good note, today is my parents 35th Wedding Anniversary!.  I hope to one day hit that too, but the way things are looking, lol getting to one year would be a bonus... would have to meet someone first.   Oh well such is life

One day does make a difference

Well things are looking up a little.  Found out today that my tax return (although not finalized)  is a bit more then i thought it would be.  Well over a thousand more then I thought it would be.  That helps with paying my insurance for the year,  getting the all season tires on my car and putting money away for my surgery, (YAHOO).   All of that lifts some worries off of myself, so i don't so many worries.  Need to restructure things  but things just may be looking up, lol finally.  Still on the late shift this week, today very very slow, with a lot of screaming customers that do call in.   Over all not a bad night but an end to a decent week.   

Just need to get away

It is my late shift at work and I am hoping to use this time today to get in a blog post as well as perhaps do some writing.  I miss doing the writing.   Tired today,  going  from 7 am shifts to this 12:30 to 9 shifts is not easy, and next week I am back to 7 ams since I requested them.  My parents are going away next week, at least the last part of the week, heading to Sask to see the rental houses.  So from Wednesday I have the house to myself,  a plus.  I did switch a shift so  I have a whole house to myself for a full day, YAHOO.  I know that sounds strange but the peace of just me, feeling like my own space is a good one.  I would love to be a lazy butt and lazy around but thats is just not me.  Plan on doing a little bit of house work,  going for a walk with the dog,   start planning for  my trip, what to bring, what I need to have done before I go, just a few things.

As for other things going on in my life, well this monday is my parents Ann, 35 years.  Good for them, not to many people make it that far or even that close, especially not in my family.   Will see if a "family" member calls them and wishes them good wishes, but to be honest I really doubt that will happen, of course unless this person doesn't realize there is a problem. 

Another thing going on that is bothering me is people who make plans or commitments and yet either forget or decide if they do not mention them then   they will go away.   This one person has done it multiple times to me, and given signs its going to happen again with Heritiage days.  I had made an event on facebook inviting a few people to go for the day, stating either Aug 5 or 6, depending on if when Julie comes we are going to Empty town first or heritage days depending on  the schedule of my parents.  that is on the event thing, but it looks like (going by what someone else posted up on her wall) that she may have plans for the aug 4,  which sounds to be probably camping (it is usually what she does esp since it is a long weekend).  I put on there a comment asking what she was doing and no reply,  why because I am sure she believes if she does not answer then I will forget or not realize it.  

Work is going well,  a few issues, such as the new agents making some big mistakes, now i know they are new and i know my class made some  mistakes however this are major mistakes.  The other classes have only made slight ones and not ones that would cost the company a ton of money.  Three days in a row all I am doing is fixing these problems, I am seriously   wanting to slam my head into a wall.   There is a little less garbage going around for the past couple of days, so that is a plus.  In other words I haven't gotten in trouble for a couple of days.      I wont lie I am pushing for the weekend,  feel like I just need to get away.  

On a good note,  Vegas in  26 days.  At this time next month I will have seen ELVIS!!!

Each step

Well  a new month.  April already,  it is shockingly going quickly.  Upon looking at the calendar totally shocked at seeing  that it is April 10th already and  that I will be in Vegas in 35 days. I can hardly wait.  Much needed and excited,  I need  start putting things together, figuring out what to bring and what not to bring. 

This past weekend was kind of busy,  finally got to put stuff away in the basement,  put things out of the containers but really didn't do a heck of a lot.  Will have to move out to offically move. 

I started to do some thinking,  there are a few places I would like to go in the future  at least close places.  Go back to Seattle to visit Julie (would have loved to go this year, to see  the 50 year of world fair).  See the Oregan coast with Julie, and to go to Graceland.  Those are future near goals.  I do want to see other places but they are further future.  I want to move out get my own place before I go to the land down under or  Russia etc etc.   The little goals. 

Things this year seem to be going alright, dad is starting to do a bit better.  My mom is finally going to get the surgery on her knee like she so badly needs.  And Even I am going in for surgery in Sept to  remove the extra skin i have from my weight loss.  YEAH.  So excited for the thigns happening this year, a bit nervous too but its one step at a time.  Learn the hard way of not  grouping things for the year, each thing that happens is a new event,  it does not make the year bad,  just its one step in either direction as the year goes.   I need to start looking them as the little steps and work from there

A little catch up

Today I am hoping to have a good day, its not looking to bad.  The work crews started on fixing the basement problem yesterday. YEAH.   So that feels great that something is starting to get done.  I am going to donate blood again today,  looking forward to it.  Not just because its 2 hours off the phone but also because I was told my blood type is kind of rare so people do need it.  So that is another plus in my books.  One thing I haven't done in awhile is write; to which I really need to do.  Its like I crave it and probably one of the reasons I have been moody for the past bit. 

 My Vegas trip is nearly here,  after today  its 45 days or  a month and a half.  Its hard to believe its nearly April.  This year has already gone by so quickly.   Life is interesting, the same drama from the same people, but hey,  I guess that is apart of life. Some people can't help needing that attention or craving it.  Some people just can't seem to avoid it.  I personally try to keep things to myself.

One thing I forgot to mention is about two weeks ago we finally got the results of my uncles  autopsy.  After years of drug abuse he finally got clean.  He was working at the Hope Mission, living near to it, getting his life together.  Well I guess  the years of drugs took a toll on him.  He was pretty sick,  Pneumonia  I guess,  which complications from his diabetics and his heart (he had gained a lot of weight after stopping the drugs).  All played a part in his death,  they also found codeine in his system and morphine. Now the Morphine makes no sense,   an ex drug addict with that in his system is not a good thing. Makes me wonder how he got that, my mom and aunt think it may have been in a pain killer.  Most doctors wont give morphine to an ex druggie.   The codeine may have been in cough medicine, which also may explain the  alcohol they found in his system as well.   The Morphine is what is out of place,  they need to and choose to believe he died clean,  I do have my doubts, but I will let them have what they need.  Still have not told my other sibling the results and you know what, that does not bother me.  With his attitude etc,  and with what is going on with him,  my parents aren't calling him nor will I.   I am happy he is not in my life,  in a way I finally feel at peace, finally.   Some things I can not change, some things I wish I could but they make me who I am today. 

C-C-C-CHANGES

So much going on and in a way nothing at all.  Things take time,  and some things are coming up or could be coming up but taking their sweet little time to get here.  One thing is that our basement is finally going to be fixed!!! YAHOO.  That means  that this summer when it rains, no more leaks.  I can finally put the couch down of my Tupperware containers that are holding  books and other things from the basement living room.  YAHOO again. I can make it livable and functional again.  I can perhaps have this feeling of  overwhelming clutter taking away once things get organized again.   They are starting on the leak in the laundry room.  This leak has been there for a long time, started off as a small leak years ago,  that well when it did leak would go right to the drain anyways so honestly not really a big big deal.  However; this past year this  little leak turned into a huge leak.  Add the fact that  the cold room, (just off of the basement living room)  decided it was its turn to leak this year. Two massive leaks,  I lost a lot of stuff, got rid of a  lot of stuff and for the most part put everything up on Tupperware containers.

That is the first big thing, second, Mom is finally getting the surgery on her knee.  YAHOO again.  Nearly three years it took to get in to see the specialist  and now finally they told her  they would do it in June or July.  That is great news!.  Dad seems to be doing a bit better, although  moody as ever.  Nothing new there, but this is just as bad as it once was.  Can't talk to him, he is a grumpy and short with people.  I wanted to discuss something with him but honestly I think I am just going to shrug it off as its not going to happen.

I got in to see Dr. Toy, he is the one who is going to or may  be doing my surgery for the extra skin removal.  I have two choices, and after doing the pros and cons of it, I want to go with one of the options, the  main issue is the cost.   Now I have many ways to look at covering for it; I do have some insurance provided by my work (my flex dollars).  The whole thing should cost about 6000 dollars plus tax. Now that isn't horrible,  I can carry over it on my flex dollars for two years.  It's going to make things tight for a little bit but waiting on tax return to see if management, I mean due to having cashed in my rrsps and that want to make sure I don't owe and can pay my insurance this year.  So basically a waiting game.

I need to see what I can do, and save up for a few things.   Some plans would need to be put on hold but  that is part of life right?

I have lately been thinking about the little things that drive me crazy, or people who rub me the wrong way.  I made the decision for those people who just really get on my nerves to let it pounce off of me. I just don't care and I don't care. It sounds sad to say but these people are digging their own "graves" so to speak.  If they want to go and get an IPHONE and then complain about not having any money to move because they hate where they live. Not my problem,  that 200 to 300 dollars you spent on that phone could have gone towards that move you want.  Let alone hey let's make enemies out of the people who do drive and could move you.  Good luck with trying to get that now. 

I realized if I have the surgery in Sept (17) if things go as planned . . . then  I need to work on losing more weight to make it even more beneficial.  Make the surgery people tell me is a rather tough one really fully worth it all.  That and needing to save means I need to sit down, take a look at everything and figure out where to cut back and what to work with. I don't always buy Timmy's but do I really need to stop that morning for one?  No,  that is what three dollars I could have saved instead of getting the french vanilla or ICE Cap.  That is the first step in the line of getting on track. I also started looking for  other ways to save money. For example, I do chores at home to lower my rent.  I started to more chores to help out with that. Anyways to save money. I am not looking to be cheap but  pull my expenses and seeing where I stand.  Also going to Vegas but going to watch my spending. Nothing foolish.  The changes have started

Hang on HERE WE GOOOOOOO!!!!

WOW,  shaping up and shipping out. Well maybe not so much of the shipping out, but getting myself back on track for the shaping up portion.   With the snow clearing getting back into the walking game.  Took Jinger the other day and wow  felt the out of shape,  the little walk and by the time I got home my legs were sore!   What if I had done the long walk?  Not sure I would have made it.  Along with the soreness I have noticed things been too tight again.  My pants etc,  so gotta get back into the swing of things, shake off the winter and get back into action.

Work is well going as well as to be excepted  all the tension and stuff happening seems to have settled down for now, although my supervisor is away for nearly a month,  and the other supervisors are  taking over, including the one I DREAD.  UGH.  I am tough I can get through it. 

 Things have been going relatively smoothly,  some ups and downs but just the basic of life for the most part.   I am learning as of recently that people do really come and go, although I would prefer a few more of them to go, but I wont make the first step.  If they  feel  I do not fit in their lives, I understand that, but I wont be the one to take the first step in pushing out. 

 Looking forward to having tomorrow off,  plan on going for a few walks tomorrow with Jinger,  wishing things weren't so went that I could take her through the Ravine, however,  its just a little to wet, and muddy for that have to stay in the neighbourhood for now.   I am thinking of adding a few things to my exercise routine.  Some situps and perhaps push up,  gotta work on the belly area, and legs.  Strength and tone my arms is also another area I am looking to improve upon.  I am getting into the swing of things and I am raring to go!  So  Hang on peeps  HEEERREEEE WEEE GO!

Sabotage

Sabotage

Sabotage is a big thing in my life right now, in many aspects.  I keep saying I am trying to get my life back on track, and I start out alright and then it goes and happens . . . I do it to myself.   People taking about how other people “sabotage” them, well wont lie I have that and doing it to myself.   

 First off I am trying to save to go to Vegas, so here is an idea,  stop spending.  Sure I have the basics covered, the plane trip, the show I want to see,  the hotel etc etc.  But I can’t seem to save for the rest; I need to stop, I need to fully follow my budget.  Its time I stopped living in the fear and paycheck to paycheck.    That’s my first big issue,   the second is I am sabotaging myself physically. 

I watched a show on TV called LOCKED UP: RAW.  One of the things they said on there is that the inmates were totally dedicated to their exercise, and to their health . . . why because their lives depend on it.  This got me thinking, really how is that different then me?   I mean yes they do run the risk of being stabbed in jail, but how that is different then a crazy person on the street deciding to do the same thing? A person doesn’t have to be in jail for their lives to be put at risk.  I look at things and realized, I have stopped trying to take care of myself, I have stopped caring it seems and it’s not a good thing.  I need to be able to take care of myself, my future.   Not caring about myself and my health is not looking out for my future.     I was given a gift, with the surgery I had, and I can’t let it go to waste.  By not taking care of myself that is what I am doing.

Now I know I have had help with the sabotaging, members of my family are not exactly helping with that,  but the blame is not on them but  my own fault.  Where is my will power, my strength?

I guess I just feel stressed,  an excuse to which I wasn’t going to make any but work is driving me crazy.  One of the sups gave me crap this am, because I came early.  I guess a person is not supposed to be at their desks until 15 minutes before they start.  I guess that blows the whole helping out at the beginning of your shift out of the water.   But then again its this supervisor.  He doesn’t seem to want people to talk to each other, to socialize with each other.  They created a new mission statement for us, who says a fun environment, the way they are going; we are not having that fun environment. 

It’s more then that right now, its some people who are just getting to me.  A friend who had talked big about going to Vegas with my best friend and I.  First idea was when she was with her ex.  They split up, but according to her she was still going, tried to talk to her about it but she never said she was or wasn’t going, just didn’t have a lot of money.   I get that, now she has to work and not make everyone else pay her way.  But she never said a word, and yet I am hearing about how she may be going to Mexico, she needs a vacation . . . from what Partying?  Seriously partying is what she does every night. Its why I don’t hear from her any more. With her ex she was stable for the most part, since he was not into that.  She likes to go to the bar and the clubs.  He never cared for it.  Once the split, since I don’t do that, she doesn’t have time for me.  That’s fine, she can go back to the party animal, I don’t need that.    And right now she is not the only one getting on my nerves.  I am tired of hearing things from other people that just rub me wrong.  Maybe everything lately is rubbing me wrong, I am not sure.  I am not a mushy person so some of it is a bit too mushy for me.  UGH.   I don’t mind a little bit of sweetness here and there but there is a limit to it.     

Maybe its just me,  stressed with the sabotaging myself,  maybe I am reflecting it back towards others, maybe I am not so accepting as I use to be.   Maybe I just really need this vacation and for things to start going right for me.  Not entirely sure but it could be a great deal of a number of things.   The main thing I know is its time I stopped sabotaging myself.

Planning and Thinking . . .

Time for another blog,  perhaps better then the last one,  which was kind of rushed and mixed  thoughts throughout it.  

Life . . . Life has been interesting,  its been having its ups and downs.   Today does feel like more of a down, to be honest.   Working on things in  my mind but yet  its getting fuzzy. 

First off is family,  what is a family?  People who are suppose to support you,  be there for you.  You don’t have to like the person, and its understandable why a person may not want to be there for someone who has abused that.  But gets me is the people who were supported even though they were abusive to those being supportive, and have the nerve to state that  the family has not been there for them.  The same family who saved them from eviction,  or helped them moved  or provided furniture for them,  but no,  they seem to think the world still revolves around them.  To the point they disrespect a elder family member for no reason.  Well with this person I had enough a long time ago, and I wont lie, this person and I have always  fought through the years.  People always thought it was childish of us,  and maybe it was,  however  it always burned me up the idea that no one really seen this person for who they were.  It wasn’t until recently when things came to a head that people are finally seeing why I was the way I was.  And as much as that is a good thing it hurts too.

It hurts because   when I was a child, something happened, and it wasn’t until high school that I finally shared things.  Well family took sides with only one person even remotely acting like they supported me.  They all back this individual, leaving me to feel out of place.   I had a hard decision to make at that time,  was taken out of my home for awhile, place with a family member who should have at least tried to attempt some support to me but didn’t.  I had to decide if I wanted to press charges.  Now I am about my family,  I didn’t want to wreck things with my family  or tear it apart as it already was.  I also wanted to give this person a chance to fore fill a dream.  SO I didn’t do it, I just didn’t want or need any more stress (everything was seeming to crash down around me).   So I said no,  I can’t say I regret it or not,  I just don’t know but this person does not know  the bullet that was dodged.   Nor do I think the care is there.  Now  this person and partner  seem to act like the world owes them, and it drives me up the wall.   No, the world doesn’t and its time to stop being lazy  and get off their butts and do something.      But its more then that,  the whole issue of no one believing me;  now the whole family comments on the way they act,  the way he is and how some personal things should be kept private and not shared with the world or facebook,  things like sex toys should not be visual to people who visit their home or  that drivel should not be posted up on a social networking site.  They may not care what people say but since they are linked to others as family members they are not considering how   their garbage is affecting others.  A person tries hard not to be ashamed by a family member but  some people do not seem to help themselves.  But what gets me is now all the signs are there, the whole no one believed me etc, and its so obvious now.  That is what hurts,  I was so alone when things came out,  and then always felt still alone in my own family.  Now that things just seem a bit more obvious,  I still feel it and yet no one is relating back to  back then to  the way this person obviously is.  Its just frustrating to say the least. 

They say for every step forward  in life there is always two steps back,  lately I have been feeling that way,   I feel like yes I have come so far and yet  being pulled right back.  That the past keeps  showing up to laugh at me.

I am strong I can get through anything, but lately just feeling run down. SO much stuff  I want to do, I want to get done,  but just feel stuck.  The basement is still a mess, waiting for it to get fixed,  dad’s been very sick and just want him to get better instead of just watching him waste away.  I haven’t been exercising due to the tiredness, stress and  people who do not shovel, do not want to risk falling and hurting something with my luck.  Issue at work, stress at work, I wont lie, there is a fear going around that we will be losing our jobs,   not by layoffs but by  stupid little reasons.  Three people have already been suspended for things back in October they knew nothing about,  things that they supposedly did wrong but were told now in February they did.  Does that seem fair not really. But when a new manager comes in and decides to out right try and change a culture of a company with out observing and seeing what works, and not working the change in, but out right doing it,  it killed the moral in this place.   A lot of the people I work with are looking to jump ship.  I honestly considered looking for another job but have decided to wait for now until the other stress goes down a little.  Once I know what is going on with my dad, and honestly after my trip, I can’t guarantee I will get the time off I need for my trip and with the tickets already bought and paid for, I can’t afford to not use them.  I guess I just really need that trip,  I need some away time, time to breath.  I think I am going to need to look into the next step in my life,  I need to start paying off things to save up and move out.  I had wanted previously to move out a year after I finish school but that does not look to  be  the case.  I need to start planning this and doing this,  time to take the next big step.

I really do need to do some planning and thinking

Resolutions

Life:

Wow life lately, been throwing a lot at me.  Be trying to be strong, some days easier then others.  I been thinking about writing this blog for a while but really haven’t had the time or energy to do so.  

I have a lot of things jumbled in my head as to what I want to say here today but at this point I do ask you to bare with me. 

 What I was originally going to write about was resolutions.  Now I never make mine January 1,  because I kind of want to see how the year is starting out,  and really have time to think about things,

I have to say I am glad I waited to think about things.  I take a good look at  my life and realized some things that I have been going wrong with and need to get back onto.

One:  Weight loss, I have not been keeping my food records like I use to do.  I am not exercising like I should be.   This has to get back on track.  Time to start exercising and eating properly again.   No more late night meals unless I am working late;  no more unhealthy snacks and I have noticed my portion sizes are getting way to big.

Two:  Spending/Money:  I am working on paying things off  and then I go and do something stupid and buy when I really don’t need to.  And things got worse with my car needing to have repairs this past month.  This was not cheap and depressed me; just when I feel like I am finally getting ahead.

Other things have been going on, the big one being my dad is pretty sick, so its been hard lately, very very hard. It’s like watching him waste away.

Other things going on relate back to my very first post of thank you(s).   

This has grown into so much more to be honest.    And will in the next little bit lead to another blog post but first honestly I need to take time to well calm down.  The whole situation makes me pretty upset and   shocked at how one person can assume the world revolves around them. 

Three:  I need to  put a focus on my life,  get things going again.  Before  when things went down hill I found a goal and focused on it.   Since I finished school I have not done that and its time I started again.

Four:  Try new things, foods events, activities, it doesn’t matter what. Its time to get out of my shell and grow.  Maybe take a cooking class if I could get it around my schedule. Meet new people.

Now all of this seems like whining and it is,  I know it is,  but something over  comes this for me. I did something  the other day that  really  made me feel good and  was for a good cause.  For the first time I donated blood.  I have been wanting to do it for awhile but well, always made an excuse.  This time through work,   at first it was time off the phones so yeah I took it. But now,  now its like  I did a good thing,  something I been wanting to do, so its  a step in the right direction. 

Will right more when my mind clears up a little

Excuses . . . Excuses . . . Excuses

Excuses . . .  Excuses . . . Excuses

In today’s society  people tend to have  an answer for everything they do,  or say.   For the longest time  I realized yes I had been doing that too,  however . . . it wasn’t until I was sitting in an office at work, waiting to start my one on one did I notice a little  plaque  that had a saying on it that really hit me. 

“The difference between excuses and a reason is:

If I take away a reason you’ll move forward;

If I take away an excuse another will follow”

Now this really got me thinking, too many times anything we say is not really a reason but an excuse.   Does anyone really have  a reason for what they do or has the world become nothing but excuses?  Don’t get me wrong,  I am in with the people who have excuses,  I wont deny it at all.

But first lets take a look at what an excuse is:  Dictionary.com  states that an excuse is:

1. to regard or judge with forgiveness or indulgence; pardon or forgive; overlook (a fault, error, etc.): Excuse his bad manners.


2. To offer an apology for; seek to remove the blame of: He excused his absence by saying that he was ill.


3. To serve as an apology or justification for; justify: Ignorance of the law excuses no one.


4. To release from an obligation or duty: to be excused from jury duty.


5. To seek or obtain exemption or release for (oneself): to excuse oneself from a meeting.

 Now in seeing this definition, some things come to mind,   really how I see an excuse is a idea for not doing something.  In a way, it is like trying to take the blame off of ones self and placing it either onto someone else or an object or anything else.   Excuses come way too  easily  to most people,  they rather  remove blame from themselves instead of  standing up and apologizing for it.  What can people be a real adult and if you made a mistake,  or have a problem  then  don’t make excuses for it.

A reason, as defined by Dictionary.com

1. a basis or cause, as for some belief, action, fact, event, etc.: the reason for declaring war.

2. A statement presented in justification or explanation of a belief or action.

3. The mental powers concerned with forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences.

4. Sound judgment; good sense.

5. Normal or  sound powers of mind; sanity.

Now a reason is legit, like for example the reason I did not come to work on time was that I feel and broke my ankle.  Now if you removed the broken ankle,   then you would have still came to work on time if you hadn’t.  Sure it would be looked at as an excuse, but it’s a legit one.  An event out of your control caused you to miss something.  Had you purposely broke your own ankle to get out of something, then not only are you crazy but then it becomes an excuse.  

It’s really how you look at it, if done on purpose it could be an excuse, if done by accident, something just happened is it a reason.  I just know that excuse has been used way to much now as ways to get out of things that people do not want to do, or do not want to take the blame for.

Now back to the quote, this quote, I took a good look at and realized that I in fact make way to many excuses.     I realized that I in fact ended to change.  Now this worked out for a short bit, however, then I fell back into the excuse habit again.  But upon recent events, I realized that I hate excuses and its time for this habit to be officially broken.  So once again its back to work on fixing this issue/

Now back to the Thank you topic, been observing this for the past few days and some days are worse then others, you can tell the bad days from the good days for people but then you still have to wonder are they really having a bad day or are they the type that does not say thank you at all.

The Mythical World of Facebook Friends and Family

Ah social networking sites, a good or bad thing?  Really it can go both ways, depending on how you use it.   Using it to keep in touch with family that is far away, or friends you use to go to school with but lost touch, even work buddies, nothing wrong with that.   It also can be a great place to kick back, pay a game or two, or just escape from reality to plow a farm for a period of time.    On the social networking site Face book,   a person can post statuses, or links of things they like, poke a friend, or post on their wall.  It really should all be in good fun.  Seeing pictures from long ago or even recent ones, another way to display those Vacation photos or brag about children.  Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy going on Facebook,  I like to look at photos, play scrabble and a couple other games;  but in actuality   Facebook is like an over grown high school . . . some days, junior high.

I have heard stories of people breaking up over facebook, or killing themselves, or even cyber-bullying, and it makes me wonder really what is this world coming too?  And then there is those people who have the 250 plus friends,  I know some people are out going and I know some people   who are older may  have added everyone they have met in  their life time, but come on really.  Can a person keep in touch with those people?   And forget just the 250 . . . I know people with well over 500.   Do you really know all of those people, really how many have you met?

Me, I have 126 people on my list as of this morning, 10 I have not met.  One yes is for games, two are family members I have not met, but talk to through PMs.  A couple are friends of my best friends, was put on for games but find their statuses interesting and such.  So out of my whole list, I know about 87% of the people.    I wont lie, a few of them are only on my list because they are family and even a few are on my list because they are “friends” (another paragraph, will continue with that thought).

 Now facebook is one of those things that you can’t make everyone happy, changed settings, change appearance.   People post rants and articles that they want to share nothing wrong with that.  Have relationship fights and post stuff up that really should be kept quiet.  Now really when did facebook start to rule our lives?  

I remember when I first joined facebook, and how I said I wouldn’t hang out there a lot, now I find myself on it way to much, it’s even on my PHONE!  I say enough, I am challenging myself to taking some time off of it.  I will take a couple of days to finish up a few games of scrabble with  some people,  and sent out a message or two to people who I talk to but only on facebook, giving them other means of getting a hold  of me,  but I am going to challenge myself for  a week of no facebook.  I am sure its not going to be easy but  it is not the way I want to live.

Now in the same regards to facebook,   there are people on my list that really I would love to remove,  either have nothing to do with or just  tired of the garbage they post.  Yes I could just block the stuff, but these people have made it very clear where there I stand with them.  One not even important enough to go to my grad or my birthday party ( a new GF got in the way).  The other   wasn’t even a friend enough to support me when a family member died.  With the claim of, I was too depressing (hello uncle died) and she was doing one of those FML   things (repetitively with claims she was homeless etc (she wasn’t but things have to look worse to gain attention)).   And then after she had already told me she was going to drive me to the funeral, she never showed.  She never called, good thing I drive and can take myself.    I wasn’t supposed to know this; a friend slipped up and told me.  There are even a few family members I would like to remove but I don’t want to rock the boat so to speak, I do not want to cause issue and such.  Issues because friends are suppose to except each other’s faults but how much abuse does a person need to take?

On a separate note regarding the thank you post; Sunday    I was shocked, going into Wal-Mart, I got thank you(s) everywhere . . . and it was Wal-Mart.  Going into a few other stores again thank you(s); but once the week started it has all gone down hill from there . . .   brings to mind the idea  is saying “Thank you”  too difficult to do,  or are we just to stuck up to be polite ?

Ninety - Nine Things

99 things....

Here are the rules:

Bold the things you’ve done and post this list on your blog then leave me a comment and tell me you did this I can go see. I bet this has gone around the blog world already, so if you've done it, let me know.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld
8. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Written something that was published
11. Bungee jumped or parachuted
12. Walked across the Golden Gate Bridge
13. Been in a fist fight
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Seen the Rings of Saturn with a telescope
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when not ill
24. Built a tree house or snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Fired a gun
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Visited the Leaning Tower of Pisa
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal
44. Visited Africa
45. Cried yourself to sleep
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Visited the Eiffel Tower
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Pretended you cooked something from scratch when you didn't
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie or commercial
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold something door to door
62. Gone whale or dolphin watching
64. Donated blood, marrow, etc
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Held onto a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten frog legs or caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Time Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been let go from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Done something illegal
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Sang a solo
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Climbed a mountain
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had surgery
89. Directly saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Seen a loved one die
94. Given birth to a baby
95. Visited the Alamo
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Sent a text message while driving
99. Been stung by a bee