So many things going through my mind lately, one of the biggest is really the idea partner. Now to be honest not sure what started this thought in my head. I am not dating anyone, no one is interested so, it is not something that just pops in one’s head; could be a number of things. Lauren a fanatic girl at work, made the strong decision to split up with her boyfriend of nearly three years. Why because of many of the situations, while she knows in a relationship you sacrifice things, she sacrificed something important to her; while her boyfriend decided to play the cool guy and claim to be sleeping with other girls. She didn’t need that crap and all the other crap he was dishing out towards her and said screw it; she had enough.
Another reason it could be is a new friend at work, Melisa and I have been talking about it off on. What really is ones idea mate? Now honest with my ex there are a lot of things I never experienced that I would have liked too and thing I feel like I miss even though I never had. I guess in a way you miss the idea of something you didn’t have but would love to experience.
For me it’s the little things, the idea that I am a thought to that person even when I am not around. What I mean by that is the whole, they went to the store, see say some peaches that look really good, and thought I may like them…picked me up one. Or say spotted something and thought of me and had to get it. Not saying I am materialistic, far from it but using that as an example. I am the random person, if I go out and I see something that someone I know likes or collects, I will pick it up for them if I can afford it. I want them to know that I thought of them. It is the little things like that, for another example its like the idea of I worked all day or you know I had a bad day…. It’s stormy or really cold and you know what time I get off, you decide to pick me up… that make my day, to know your concerned. It is those little things that get me. I am the same way though, I would do it for anyone I was seeing; because I want them to know I care, that I am thinking of them or are concerned for them.
I want a person who will accept me for who I am, flaws and all; just like I do for those I am around. I would love someone who knows when to defend me or protect me, and yet at times knows when to let me stand on my own. Someone I can go to when I just need a hug, to cuddle up with when I just need to be held. Now those of you who know me, know I don’t like to be touched, so wanting to have that person to go that I am comfortable with getting a hug or being touched is totally different. At the same time, the person can read me enough when to not to touch me; I usually have signs or so I am told.
Now other things I look for, is someone who is willing to work with me; what I mean by that is say we plan a nice evening together, want to have dinner together, I can help make supper, prep work etc, just working together is a nice thought to me. One thing about me that tends to bother people is that I am not much for going out. I don’t mind at times, I am just not a big fan of all the time; I just am not much of a partier. Like New Years Eve to be honest I would love to stay home, a couple of friends or even just the two of us, a few snacks watching movies, cuddling etc. That sort of thing; but not many people understand that.
I would love someone with a sense of humor, who can make me laugh’ especially when I want to cry. Someone who tries to explain a sci-fi movie or a fantasy understanding I just don’t get it but loves me for it anyways. And someone who can put up with my bad moods because we all do get them, some of us just hide them better… I really don’t think I am.
I am a person who hates being pressured, and sometimes would like a decision made for her. I hate being the one who has to plan everything and make all the effort for something. For example, a camping trip, normally I would have to plan it, find the location, pay for it, pack everything, unpack everything, and set up etc… I don’t mind helping out, but in the end it’s not a vacation for me, since I spend so much time taking care of everything or everyone. Now strange as this is, I guess because I am so use to taking care of people I for once want to have someone who knows when to be the dominate one. The take care of things, like making plans that heritage days is in town, lets go together, we’ll go at this time and catch the bus and spend the day. Or plan a picnic. (Never really did the picnic thing and feel it would be a romantic fun thing).
Another aspect is not only reliability but just responsibility. Many people I know are not the most responsible, reliable people. Seriously I can count on one had really, the people I can count on. People who say they are going to do what they are going to do, people who wont let me down…. Someone who works, not just going to the gas station etc ( not that there is nothing wrong with that, but when I worked so hard to leave the gas station behind me, its some one with a little a go to them, who knows what they want and will work for it, or go for it. I personally have given up on Hope… why because for me I have gotten use to being disappointed and I hated that feeling; so what better way to avoid it then to give up on the part that causes it.
I want a person who I can have fun with, play games with, with a friendly competition, no poor sportsmanship or sore winners/ losers. I like to joke around and have fun, tease a person, but I try to watch the line too, of going too far. A little friendly competition between people, like at work, played a contract bingo, my desk mate and I had a friendly competition going (she beat me by one), but we also helped each other out.
Now like everyone else I have quirks, lol I think we all do, now I know a person may not always find them cute or it may drive a person nut but this kind of leads to the big thing for me. If I don’t know something bothers you or is wrong I CAN’T FIX OR CHANGE IT. Communication is important, time to chat here and there, is good, a relationship build on silence is not good, and neither is one person making the other person feel like they are stupid or should just keep their mouth shut because they are not smart enough to enter into a conversation with anyone.
I am not a drinker, I have stopped that years ago, I don’t smoke, not a big fan of those who do; but I accept them. I don’t do drugs, and really not into drugs, and have strong opinions about them that I do try to keep to myself, but sometimes they do slip out.
I will not lie, I have insecurities, we all do I think in some ways. Mine do range from my past I try to over come, but some things do linger. I am not bidder, I learn from my mistakes; and I guess I want to learn or relearn things with people, discover a different side to myself.
I am a family person and an animal person, I would love to have my own place and have a little kitten of my own. I do things for my family; I love my family and spend some time with them, but like my space too. I guess I just want someone to be my partner, to support me and yet let me be strong too. To create good memories, relearn to love the holidays (any holiday) and create a future with.
Perhaps just not in the cards for me and asking for too much…
