The First Step of Many

I don't even know where to start; and I know this has been coming for a very very long time.  And I have said it before,  but last night I think I finally hit my snapping point.  Now I am a very shy girl,  around all people,  until i get to know them and am totally comfortable with them, I am pretty shy.  That is just who I am.  And I do lack experience,  I know this,  I went from my first relationship to no relationship and I threw myself into improving myself, going back to school etc. 

I am trying to get into the dating scene again, and there is a guy in my work buliding that I find kind of cute. SO I messaged my friend and said I wish I had some courage,  she replied back we make our own.. ok got it.. she had asked why. And I told her... Well she snapped at me, basically telling me to get over it and just do it. That I need to get some... (I hate it when people say that) and  basically I should be acting my age, people our age should not have this problem.  Well I am sorry but age has nothing to do with shyness.   She apologizes for snapping at me,  she is just tired of people's bullshit. Didn't realize this was bullshit and that pissed me off. I wont lie; royally pissed and honestly still am.    

I know she is the tough love sort of girl, but enough is enough. SHe dishes out the tough love but when it comes to her recieving it,  she gets mad.   So many things over the years have driven me to be upset with her.  Recently was the whole going on a trip to Vegas with Julie and I. She had made the plans etc etc, but when it came down to booking it, she said nothing.  I found out from another friend  that she didn't have the money to go.  Yet and never said a word to me;  but then she is always posting up about going on vacation with another friend (this was at the same time she  told other friend about not being able to afford to go).    The other day she posted up 54 days until she goes on Vacation... well my issue with that is that she already said she was going to go to Heritiage days with Julie and I, which at that time was in 54 days.   But she is going away with this other friend.  Now wont say I am jealous but it does make one person feel they are not as good as the other.   I am tired of her crap; she complains that she doesn't want drama etc, but she always creates her own.  Everything she does  she creates onto herself,  and yet she complains about that other people are doing it.

She leaves jobs due to issues of stress with co workers  (she starts up the drama,  creates an air around herself and yes her co workers do not care for her)  but a lot of it is due to her acting like she knows more and has experienced more then everyone else.  I have put up with it for years, I accept people for who they are faults and all.   I am at the point that I am tired of it; I am the punching bag.   Always said to be opposites, and people never could believe we could be friends because of our differences.   With her last boyfriend she was pretty good,  only smoked pot.  Not as bad as she use to be.   When they split she went back to her party additude ways.  I can't relate to that and I want more out of life then that. I am through with her.  I normally try and save friendships but I am needing to learn when to let things go.  This is not healthy for me at all.  I have goals and wants in my life, that just don't match her, and I can't keep letting her hurt me.     I already moved her to acquaintance on facebook, because I don't need the drama it would create if I was to directly remove her from my list.  A first step... one of many.  

Family

Wow I do have so much to stay but not really a clue where to start.   Let's go with Family... oh Family.  Now really what is the defination of Family?   According to Dictionary.com  it is: a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.

b. a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

c)any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

d.) all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

Now people say that Family needs to be there for each other; in some ways  I disagree with it;  I understand the concept by why should a distant family member do something for me; when they do not know me?  But then there is the other way of it,  a closer family member, a daughter; a son.    I was raised to be there for my family. If I go out with my grandparents, I pay for them, why should they pay for me. They are my grandparents, they are on a fixed budget, I am young and able, its my treat.     I treat my grandparents with respect;  I would go out of my way for them. The same thing with my parents; so it kills me in side to  see  the way my sibling is treating my mom.  Things have gotten worse since my last post about the subject; and really I think they are just going to get even worse.  My grandmother wants to have a family get together with everyone;  just due to she believes she doesn't have a lot of time left.   She has had some health scares over the past few years, and she is getting older so that is understandable; well my parents offered our yard, since its in the middle for most of the family but one aunt, but its still not across town for her (she is coming from out in the country).   This will  be raising some issues with my sibling who will use it as an excuse not to come, since its held at our house. My dad has offically disowned him, but my mom... she is holding out, she hasn't got to that point (given its her child, understandable).

There is so much more I could say to this but really its like beating a dead horse. LOL  

Too Much Drama

 So many things I would like to discuss but really I have no clue where to start.  Had my first vacation in years; and I enjoyed it although parts of it could have been better.  Other parts of it totally rocked.  Headed to Vegas with my best friend; wanted to see what the hype was all about.  Well to me Vegas was not as good as the hype.  I had a short layover in Phoenix and to be honest that place is browner and then brown and really i was disappointed in the way it looked.  Although it was HOTTER then Vegas. LOL.  The airport was a dump, and not air conditioned... not a great start to the trip.  Left there and landed in Vegas,  totally shocked  over how dark it was at 8 pm at night.  It took forever to get settled in the hotel and get settled.  Julie came the next morning and it was a good start to the Vacation.  Now the Tourist suck, and they were the rudest people.    SOme much happened on the trip and I lvoed it.  Seen the VIva Elvis show and I wont lie,  I cried during it.   But it was the coming home,  all I came home to was DRAMA.  So much drama I hate it.  Drama with family members,  Drama with friends... just over all stupidness that made me want to go back to Vegas. LOL

  There is so much going on right now and I just want to hide from all of it.  Time to think, no pressures from people, no one getting mad at me, just over all Treena space time. I want to go and sit in a cabin by a lake and write, think and or relax.

Just short for now my thoughts are totally jumbled