Blog Challenge: 5 Things I could not possibly live with out

Hmm,  wow what can I live with out.  Really there isn't month,  i can always adapt, lol.

If i look over my life books is one thing I can't live with out,  I love to read, I enjoy every minute of it, even if the book is bad and I have read a few bad books.  It is my escape into another place when my world feels like its getting me down.

2) A sheet or a blanket,  I am the type who needs one to sleep, even on a hot day, just pull a sheet over me.  Its a comfort thing maybe, a security type of deal; either way it is something I need each day.

3) Veggies,  I am a huge veggie eatter and  i do not feel like myself if I haven't eatten even a little bit in a day

4)A secure space,  a place where I can go to feel safe; i know everyone wants one of those, but for me its somewhre i can have that i can be by myself and safe

Sorry Can't think of 5 at this time

Blog Challenge: A moment you wish to relive

If I look over my life there really isn't any moments I wish to relive for the good.  Although there are a number of ones I wish I could have relived to fix thigns I had done.  I know people say no regrets,  but I do have regrets that I wish I could go back and fix.

1)going back to when I met my ex,  I would have done things so differently back then
2)Kept my cat inside... not to lose my cat
3)Worked on my education sooner,  preventing myself to be in the debt I am in

Those are a short few things;  good moments would have been my graduating College,  and meeting Julie.  Had I know things I would have tried to find a way to meet her sooner. 

Challenge Post: Share your favorite recipe

Wow this one is kind of hard for me since I do not cook.  I mean there are a few things I can make but none involve a recipe.  I like this No bake Cherry Cheese cake that Julie made for me once.   But overall the best thing I make is my lasanga and well there is no recipe with that

See really I am not a cooker;  I don't mind the clean up, I don't mind helping prepare but I don't cook.  My attempts have never turned out well so really why waste my time trying.  I can cook enough to survive on my own if I had too, but really there is nothing special when it comes to my cooking.

SOme people have the skill, the knack for it, they have it in thier blood so to speak. For me,  i am not as far as burning water; I am not that bad... I think.

All I can really say is that I try...  Trying is the key thing in life

Blog Challenge : A favorite TV SHOW

Well I am a little behind but going to get caught up: Today's Topic: A favorite tv show

This is a pretty simple one for me, I don't have any favorite tv shows.  SUre I like shows here and there that I will turn to if  they are on.  COPS,  stuff like that, just because they show people at their worse and you wonder how they can be so wrong sometimes.  But also it shows me what life on the other side could be and I don't want to be there.

But in all honestly I don't have a favorite tv show; every time I start to get into a show it ends up taken off the air.  So once I realized that,  I really just started disconnecting myself from tv.   The other thing with tv when it comes to me is one season I might like the show, the next season and even the one after that may bore me and I don't watch, and then I come back for the fourth season.   I am really an all over the place tv watcher. 

Day Three blog... a couple of days too late

Favorite book:


Favorite book, I have a couple.  One book is The Alchemist.  The book changed my life.  

At the time I started reading it,  back at the time I was at a cross road in my life,  and reading it  made me sit and start rethinking things.  In the end its about a journay into ones own self.   The book did just that to me, made me think about what was going on in my life and where I wanted to me.

Other books I have read really  there are a few romances that really I have reread a few times.  In all of them the female is strong, making it on her own or trying too but life  has gotten to them.  The men all are there protective and letting them be themselves an work on things themselves.   Really Its hard for me to verbalize why these books are my favorites but  they appeal to me

Day two Challenge: A Favorite Movie

Hmm,  this one isn't that hard for me,  I have had the same favorite movies for a few years. I am a horror movie fan so my favorite movie is Night of the living dead, although  Pumpkin head is a second favorite.  I think in a way my mind believes heck these thigns could happen.  Night of the living dead started off with the government/military leaving chemials  in barrols that leak out and  cause dead people to be zombies.  With the way things are now a days,  we could have that.   The government and the military has so many secrets and could have been working on a project just like that . 

Pumpkin head is really about a creature that was summoned due to revenage. It kinds of reflects of human nature and the evil that is inside of us so easy to unleash


For now horror was Ten things I hate about you,  not sure why I liked that movie but really got into it

Three other movies that I enjoy to rewatch was Jurasic park, Speed and Congo, to which I haven't seen in years.  When I first seen Jurasic park I must have watched it another four times that weekend..  I really got into it

Blog Challenge Day one

Write about some of the teachers you had growing up and why you did or did not like them

Wowie, teachers growing up, over there years there was some I did like and others I really could not stand. Elementry, with the way the school was set up, when i moved up grades one of the teachers seemed to too. I didn't know whether to like her or dislike her, but there were days I down right could not stand her. And I honestly believe there was times she should have retired sooner. She had away of being nice and then a way of making you feel like you were the lowest thing possible. I had a different teacher for one grade who i really didn't get along with, and it could be because she taught french and I really can't do and still can't do french....

My music teacher in elementry was someone that helped me through a lot of elementry, she kept me going and encouraged me, made me feel included. Junior high, well that is a hard one, I honestly didn't really care for any of my teachers in JR high, although when my one teacher came back from leave after having her baby, the class got better, but really there wasn't one teacher I cared for there.

  Now highschool, wow there was more teachers there I didn't care for then I actually cared for. I wasn't a favorite, and did my own thing so my science teacher and I didn't see eye to eye and it could be, because I was no good at Science. There was one english teacher that no one liked. He was boring, he talked in a monotone voice and really there is such thing as critizim and constructive critisim, what he did was insult. Heck he told my mom once at teacher interviews that he hated me. Now after that I had another English teacher who i had a love hate relationship with. The one semester I had her, a friend and I had to do a paper together; i wanted to make a good impression since she had her favorites and I want to fit into that. SHe was a hard woman, who marked as all like we were in college. So in high school, I know its getting us ready for college but really it was overwhelming. Anyways I wanted to make a good impression, so I worked hard on it, including asking another teacher to review my paper and help me. He did, turns out she accused me of plagurizing, she wrote on the paper hard to mark words that were not yours. They were, the person I was working with was the one who plagurised her part but I got in trouble for mine. After a lot of issues I ended up fixing getting it fixed. But it was also this teacher who helped push my writing abililty. I expressed an interest in a writing class and she was willing to help teach it which also got me extra credits! So really a love hate relationship.

Another prof I had was my accounting prof... he made me laugh and encouraged me with out implying I was stupid when I didn't understand or get something. Really he made my day when I had classes with him

Now college... Hmm well I had a fantastic english prof when I had to upgrade, he not only encouraged me but worked with me to understand and really improve up to where I needed to get into the school itself. When I was going for my degree, I can really think of two profs that stood out the most to me, both helped me and encouraged me, and i know showing my work and that iput in the effort I would achieve. I wrote some of my best papers for them and earned every mark I got. The one totally understood on my capstone I was paired up with two who made my life hell. I tired to do work with them, and be included but they would just go in and do it leaving me out. When all things failed and we had to write the report on it, they basically dropped all the blame on me. I went to my prof who understood.

There was two profs in that school that I could not stand. One hated me from the first class just because I asked a simple question and he attacked me for it, the other wanted to see how much work he could pile onto us. I wouldn't change my professors for the world, even the bad ones all taught me something, lesson I have learned.

Blog Challenge and 100 days update

So I have decided to do the 30 day blog challenge, but at the same time I am going to keep updating on my 100 day challenge So far today on the 100 days alraedy messed up wtih having a small slurpee that Jese brought me, its 8 am and I am already having a rotten day. I really do need good today. And I can say that I am moodier then Hell. I don't even want to be near me. I did a weigh in last night and I am starting at 226 pounds.. first goal for end of the month is to be done the 6 pounds. I need to get myself on track. Right now so tired though, went to bed but still woke up so tired. Still going to do the stairs and have asked my dad to help me create a spread sheet so I can record it and my progress. When I hit to being able to do that up and down 7 times in 10 minutes I will be adding another floor onto my mix. That's the update for now... will do my first blog challenge post shortly

The restart.... LET"S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am restarting my 100 day challenge; and I know I keep saying this but I have high hopes for myself this time. I am setting little things, making plans but it is time to make these plans actions. I have problem areas I need to work on, thighs, hips, and my ass, along with my arms need toning. And I have been trying to figure out a plan to do so.

   Now Christa at my work who looks to be in fantastic shape. She on her breaks takes the stairs. I thought why not, it seems to work great for her. So it started yesterday, taking the stairs on my breaks. I went from the 15th floor to the 19th floor, two sets of stairs per floor. The first break I made the trip three times, the second trip I made it four times!.

 Went home that night and hit the treadmill for half an hour, so a bit sore today. Not sure I will do as well on the stairs today but going to try and not giving up. I hate the phrase no pain no gain, but right now its on my mind since my body is sore. I spent money this weekend I should not have spent, but picked up a bathingsuit; mainly because I knew I wouldn't find one in my size again when I go looking for it, and I want to get into aquasize or something, I use to love swiming.

  So I talked to Claudia someone who I use to go swiming with all the time as kids, since I was sure I remember her saying something about going to do that. Turns out I was right, she is going to look into times and get back to me, and we can go together. I especially want the first couple of times to go with someone to get use to it before I start going on my own. I need and want to get in shape, heck I remember how much I liked it when i was 55 pounds lighter then I was now, only a short bit again.

My goal right now is to get back to the 170. I am not going to waste what I was given the chance to achieve and right now that is exactly what I am doing. I need to start doing better, and eatting right. So I am starting the 100 day thing again. This time I will rock it. I need to start training too, I want to do the breast cancer walk in OCT, and I want to work the 5km. My first goal is to be down 5 pounds by the end of feb.

  So starting today Feb 11, 2014 my 100 days starts! May 21, 2014 is my 100th day.

1)Do stairs at work two a day - record on excel spread sheet
2)Record all eatting
3)Hit treadmill daily. If not doing stairs on that particular day then treadmill for an hour and leg exercises)
  4)Three times a week need to do arm exercises
5)No eating after 8pm
6)Cut down on portion sizes
7)blog more often to report my progress,  this should keep me in line

Disappointed in myself

I keep screwing up, everything I worked for I keep messing up. I am back tracking so badly and I am not sure how to fix it. I have gained back a lot of weight that I need to remove it. I need to get back to what I was at Rhea's wedding and that is going to happen. I screwed up on my 100 days and I am going to restart it. I will succeed. I have made goals before and been able to keep them, why am I having such a hard time now? My personal goal is to be down 26 pounds by May 18. I want to be be below 200 again; the amount I swore I would never be at again. I have to change some habits I have picked up.

100 days to a new me

So I have been following online a website called 100days.com. People change their lives in 100 days, usually through weight loss but I want to do it with all aspects of my life. And I mean all aspects. I have things to get on track. My financial situation is not good right now, or is my weight and health. Even just my mental mind frame; I am finding myself to me not as sympatric as I use to be and having a hard time showing empathy and I am starting to question myself. I will be completed this by May 2. So I sent my goals, for the next 100 days, 1) I will not be spending money that isn’t budgeted (with the exception of taking a taxi to my treatment this Friday but I figured would stop and get a booster juice to try and give myself something to eat beforehand that would have the nutrients etc that I need especially since I never feel like eating after the treatments 2) I will be hitting the treadmill every day. The Three weeks will be for a half an hour, after that for the rest of the time an hour. 3) For the first two weeks doing 25 sit ups, 25 leg lifts, 25 lunges, 25 squats, 25 vertical lifts. Two weeks after that, 35 of each. After the first month 50 of each 4) I will finish writing my Nano story 5) Arm lifts 6) I want to get Sear card at least half paid off 7) Want to get enough off of visa to book holiday for May and then restart to clear off card again 8) Start eatting better, This is just the start, I need to start to organize myself, clean my self out really and get my life on track.

New year, same old same old

Wowie where are things going; stressed doesn’t begin to cover it right now. Julie, Jess and I are doing a small thing right now about weight loss.. I am working out, I am doing a good job of eating right and I gained weight!. My new expensive winter jacket is tight on my big hips and rear. I work on those areas but nothing is helping. Let alone worried about finances right now. I have to pay for the hotel and rafting for May, and I have to book it soon, but worried since I was stupid and lowered the limits on my credit cards, not thinking about it so I have no give room. And it doesn’t help that I spent a ton of money at the stupid dentist!. Yes my insurance covered a great deal of it, but still cost more than I thought. I know, I have no one to blame but myself. As for my writing, well I did finish nano so proud of that, but really didn’t finish the story so did I really finish nano? And the worst thing is I know what I need to say, or want to say next to work to the end, but am I doing it? Nope. Writing would probably relax me. Other things have been stressing me out; I start working towards perhaps going on a date with someone and what happens, they just stop talking to me. I wonder why I even bother? Seriously, not that anyone would be really interested any more, since I can’t see. I just feeling over whelmed and frustrated.

Frusration

Can frustration really get to a person, pretty sure it can, when will I learn to keep my mouth shut and not speak to anyone at work. Since speaking to anyone, has them treat me poorly. I asked if a coworker experienced the same thing I did this morning with the snow workers putting down dirt on unplowed roads. She goes I am coming from Legal (an area out of town). As if that said it all, first off you choose to live out there, second, not my problem. She goes its north of here, and I said so like fort sask or Leduc or Gunn area, since I am not good with those directions. She goes North Leduc is south; I looked at her and went, I am not good with that type of directions. Not everyone is, I am a land mark type of person. Hell the area I grew up in use to be known as the south side until it grew and they have the new south side where South commons is. My coworkers have made it very clear where I stand with them. Like the other day they were all talking about an Elvis movie, and they couldn’t remember the name of it. One person stated well ask Treena, but did they no, they went to everyone else and didn’t ask me, didn’t include me in the conversation or anything. Hell they act like it’s a pain when the whole group is talking and I join the conversation and everything I say is a hardship. I am sick of it, even my supervisor gives me that impression. Nothing I say to anyone seems important enough so I wonder why I bother to talk at all. People do not remember what I say; they show no interest in what I am saying so why bother speaking at all. Will have to do a facebook clean up from my work co workers. Enough is enough

ASHAMED!

I will never understand people any more; and I have never been so disgusted about anything in my life as I am about this. There were pictures showing a Halloween party and one of those pictures has a person dressed as a drag Hitler…. In this picture two people are doing the Nazi salute… I mean really when did this become an acceptable thing? When did it become something we can joke about? I did report it but the site Admins think its ok, it’s not a hate symbol> HELLO it’s the KING of hate symbols. What is wrong with people to day and especially the youth that they would even begin to think that this sort of thing is acceptable! Is it because they never lived through such horrors? Well neither did I but I know it’s not appropriate at all. Don’t get me wrong Hitler did some good for people, but his crimes were not something to celebrate; and should not be used in that matter. Maybe it’s because these people never really finished school or focused on what they were learning. Not paying attention in social class to know Hitler was no joke. What he did to those people was no joke… If a celebrity did what these people did in those photos there would be a huge public outcry… so why does this person think its ok? And why did other people find it a joke. I mean really people come on. Hitler was no joke. I am totally ashamed to say the one person in the photo was family… (Although this person was not dressed up as that) the idea was still that they found it acceptable. I am really scared for the future of our society

Cinderella

So as I previous mentioned my dad wants me to do more things around the house. Well I already do a ton, but like the hell he would notice. Now this shift I am on the 7 am to 3:30 shift. To not be late I leave the house by 5 am. Now seriously....SERIOUSLY I can't do the dishes in the Am, no one is up. Well came home after enough crap at work today and My mom got the water ready to do the breakfast dishes but I did them, and she then asks "Are you taking the dog for a walk?" I had said no because I had already been later then normal thanks to being stuck at work and a late bus. I still had the dishes to do, the garbage to do and the recycle... then its like I should take her, since she threw in a load of laundry in the wash and I had to wait to shower anyways. Managed to do all that and come home, to shower, managed to eat supper at 6... which I hate and oh yeah Do the supper dishes. What did my mom do, came home and made lunches (I never asked her to make mine, she just cuts up my veggies etc, but i never asked and have already told her many times she didn't have to do it). Make my dad's lunch since if she doesn't he wont eat; fried up some sausages and reheated some pasta for supper..... yup that is it. ME, I came home did the dishes twice, the garbage, recycle, kitty litter, I am up and out the door before them and I am doing the crap. If i am home before them I get well why didn't you make tea... Oh and she said to me on that she is thinking about getting me to stop at subway on the way home on Friday; first off I already told her I am driving to work on Friday and second I don't want to stop, the construction in that area is horrible and people are driving like idiots because of the massive construction at the all. SHe has only been hinting all week about wanting me to pick her up watermelon etc. I never get paid back for this stuff. At the most what she picks me up is usually slurpees; and I Have told her many times before not to pick me up the other stuff. I have even complained on here about the feeling that she is sabotaging me ARGGGGH

A bunch of rambles

Well, probably should learn to keep my mouth shut before I get in trouble again. But things can be so frusrated. Things have been really busy, and stressful and yet they will allow people who are not here all the time and have less experience to be in a supportive role. It has a frusrated a lot of us who are feeling run down by the busyness. At the same time I was talking to another person about an icident that happened and I got in trouble for but really I was doing my job; and this same person who is the person who gets the supporting role, over heard. Now I know she doesn't like me, but I don't care. It isn't right she gets a favortism role and the rest of us are working are butts off for her to not have too. Actually there are a lot of unfair practices right now but i guess life isn't fair is it. Things are going ok I guess, feeling a bit overwhelm trying to get ready for nano and even just feel like I have a ton to do. Yet I don't actually have a lot to do. It feels like there is new drama every day and I would love to just get away from it all. A day or two anything really. Work we are doing a change over soon; will be starting training again which will be interesting. I do look forward to it, but i hate the learning part. What else is going on in my life; well family still fighting; I still have nothing to do with my "sibling and his wife". The more I hear about them the more frusrated I get, they complain about money and get out to eat all the time. They want to have kids (heaven help us if they do) and tell people to give them money for artifical insemination. So many things, they expect people to take care of them or to hand them things. Even like their apartment buliding is having a person come into the buliding to spray for ants.... they complained first about where they are going to go for 4 hours with their cat as well as wanting people to come over and help them clean before the guy comes. How many times do people ahve to go over there to help them clean. Are they not suppose to be adults and clean up after themselves. I know I am not the cleanest person, but I will never get to that extent, it will drive me nuts.... Which leads me into the next thing; I was told I needed to start helping my mom out more around the house. Now frig I already do a ton of stuff, while my dad sits on his ass and never helps her... I should start doing more dishes, I should start doing this and that. This last rent, I did more then I normally do and yet my rent was higher then normal, its getting frusrating. But then its not the first thing we have argued over this week Oh and if i hear my mom say I am moody and emotional one more time I will scream. She doesn't understand a perosn can get frurated or she pushes too much and it drives me nuts. Or even I would like some privacy, doesn't see any of that. Other then that, thats a bit off my mind, in no real order at all.....

It's been two years

Today it has been two years; a shocking two years…. My uncle Dave passed away two years ago today.   Now I do say shocking although   at one time it wouldn’t have been so shocking, given that he was a drug addict.  

Through my whole life my uncle did drugs, even pot here and there, went into other stuff but always went back to the pot.    I seen the problems it caused my whole family, the stress it put on my grandparents and even my parents.  Holidays with my mom worrying about him, where ever he was hoping he was ok, and getting a good meal.    I wont lie he pissed me off after my grandma died.   I was suppose to live with my grandparents however that changed when she passed and my grandfather to help out my uncle for my grams sake,   allowed him to live there. He was supposed to pay rent, he was supposed to help out and take care of it.    That never happened,   my grandfather fell and hurt himself my uncle was no where around.   When he passed away I found my grandfather on the floor of his dining room, he had been there over night. Now don’t get me wrong,   he would have passed away anyways, but he would not have been there over night, and I would not have found him.

Now it took a big incident for my uncle to clean up his life, getting the help and treatment he needed.  The thing was he was two… maybe three years clean when it happened.  He passed away in his sleep, they say a diabetic coma.   Although they found traces of morphine in his system etc, which shouldn’t have been there; supposedly he died clean.  Now, my mom and aunt can say he died clean and they can accept that. I don’t.      But now it’s been two years since he passed… and to me I am still shocked.

There have been many issues with it already.  My mom had posted up on his memory wall on face book, how she use to worry about him on holidays not knowing where he was.  My aunt replied that she never worried; she knew where he was, supposedly at her house.  This pissed me off,   she allowed my mom to worry with out calling her to let her know, or even making him call… I mean the respect of that.  But then again, my aunt has been a type of person where it’s all about her; unless it benefits her why would she do it.  

Now where I am leading with this is also really about drugs; as I said my uncle was always doing drugs, and it always went back to pot. SO when people say its not addicting, or it’s not that bad, it does piss me off.  Really then why do you feel you have to do it?  It is addicting, or else it wouldn’t be something you need to unwind etc etc.  My one friend posts up crap all the time about it, and even the benefits of it; sorry I will never believe something that is equal to four smokes lowers my risk of cancer.  Not on your life; nor will I ever like the smell, or the way people act on it. I seen enough crap and honestly no I don’t see the big like for it.  This same friend is the one who hates people supposedly preaching about religion etc, at the same time she preaches about pot.

To me the whole thing is childish, and really something people should have out grown.  But then I have noticed a lot of things lately that just seem so immature.  One example is the vandalism I seen lately. Now don’t get me wrong it is probably teens etc, but it’s not all teens.    I arrived at my bus shelter the other day to see it shattered.  All I could think of is that, this is not he first time this has happened and if they keep it up, we will lose the shelter.   There is a lot of this going around, and I wonder when we seem to back track from adult hood and maturity to being a child?  Is the stress of today’s word too much to take?  If that is the case what will happen to the kids of today?  They worry so much about their self esteem, and that, they don’t want to give them tests.   They discourage competitiveness; heck some places removed foot ball and other sports from schools because kids might get hurt.  What is going on with this world today? Are we so sensitive and over protective that we can’t allow kids to be kids any more? I had exams and such in school.  I played sports, it is a part of life, and with out it are we really doing the kids any good or setting them up for failure?

Frusration.....

Been a short bit since my last post but had some time to think.  Now I haven't done so well on the cleaning out the friends list thing, but slowly working through it.  Some people are harder to get rid of then others, just because I don't want to deal with the backlash that would come with the removal, even though face book doesn't represent real life.  I have been finding myself ignore more and more things on there, people and their comments etc, which is a huge achievement for me and just playing a few games. Nothing major but just to relax myself;  Criminal case,  backgammon, scrabble, and a game called odd socks which really is matching socks out of a dryer¦ something I hate doing  in person.    Anyways there has been this one thing that has been bothering me and I can't ignore it.  

Especially when one friend keeps posting this garbage up; she posts up things about how people treat other people and suck 

"From this point on I'm going to treat people exactly how they treat me. Some should be glad. Others should be scared". 

Now this bothers me especially coming from this person.    I mean really how she knows that perhaps people got to that point to her long ago and had decided to dish back to her the same treatment she has been handing out for YEARS.  I mean she is a tough love gal, and I do get that but really there is a time to soften things sometimes.   The last time we spoke she bit my head off, because I offered her help and honestly through the years she has always bit my head off.  She states she has more life experience then me; if you call doing drugs, drinking all the time, Partying and sleeping around etc life experience, I think I will skip those lessons.  I can't say she makes the best choices all the time; but I will never say my choices are better then anyone's.  Just because I do not like something doesn't make it the right choice.  Now  I have know this person a long time, and  through all those times she  doesn't exactly tell the truth when she tells stories;  and I just agree to go  not cause problems since I know her well enough and I know my saying anything would do just that cause issues. 

Now I have been pretty sick, and I did mention it to her, and I got she would be coming to see me etc

. well that never happened, went to a party instead.   She is upset because she thought my dog barked and nipped at her dog.  Which did not happen,   my dog was beside me, she had her back turned let her dog (although on a leash) run and her little dog snapped etc at mine.   I had tried to pull my back but she did bark back, thinking that dog was playing; why because that is how our little dogs do play.   

It is stuff like that; I took her out for dinner for my birthday; and through the meal she proceeded to point out my flaws and what I do wrong in life.   How I really shouldn't care about my parents feelings, and stuff about my mom hurting etc.  That may be her but I am a family person so yes my mom being upset at something going on in the family is an issue.  Or over all something going on in the family are a big deal and not no  big deal¦ not your problem as she stated 

She always talks about how much her family hates her etc, or her gram hated her, and all I can think no kidding with that attitude you give off. I can totally see why they hate you.  Stop acting like your so cool and better then everyone.      

Things got to the last straw, many promises made and non kept and I hate that; down right sick of it.   

So to her statement yes I got to that point, I am treating you how you been treating me for years.  Don't like it not my issue; all your work issues etc, your co workers hate you etc, are your own doing, stop giving the attitude and perhaps you would make friends of them. 

Now that little one was not the only one she posted but posted up one saying  

"nothing is nicer then having someone who appreciates you in the smallest things. Accepts you in times of hardships. Comforts you when you're in trouble.  Loves you no matter what and is simply happy having you in their life." 

 Now don't get me wrong I could say that about people, but around her I just can't.  She brings me down, makes me feel horrible about myself every time.  And I really can't say offers any comforts. The only thing you will ever get from her is tough love and really there is tough love and then there is what she dishes out and its really not healthily at all.  She talks about getting rid of the bad and karma and negativity, well her definition of karma is not correct, and she puts the negativity on herself, so it really comes down to how much a person can take.  And yet, I know she is one of those ones I can not delete from face book why because of the stupid 

So really in response to all those she posts, I am not scared,   you already treat me like crap,  I just have been spending my time living my life and ignoring you. Not much else I can do.   Just remind me to never make plans with her again;    I don't need the depression to set in.

New month, a new me.....

Wowie, Vacation did a good number of things for me.  Most good with the exception of the cold I got.  I had a fantastic time on vacation, seeing the Pacific Ocean and touching it for the first time.  But really this vacation gave me a lot of time to do some serious thinking about my life.  Real thinking;   years ago I made a promise to someone, and I kept it.   Now I have made new promise in the last bit and never kept one; which deeply disappoints me since usually when I make a promise I keep it; it was something you could count on.  

But really this vacation time; I did some thinking about what I want out of life and decided to write down some goals

Pay off all credit cards

Purchase new lap top

Save for new car

Save for moving out

Save for vacation

Lose 30 pounds by may

Lose another 40 pounds by Dec

Finish Nano this year…. Focus on my writing

Exercise 5 days out of the week

No more slurpees

No more wasting money (buying food etc)

I need to start doing something with my life,   really taking a good look at what’s out there and what I want out of life.    Whether that means cleaning up aspects, like whom I am around and friends with, which means even face book, time for a change.  I want to be a different person, a better person.  Part of it is the being sick again,   with all that is going on I am so sick of being sick.  I spoke with my doctor yesterday and they are saying the Iron infusions I have been having will be a long term thing.  I wish we could just find out what is going on. 

I have a big treatment this week that I am scared for.  Three hours long instead of the hour and a half which makes me sick, and I am scared what this one will do.   I really want some results.   The lack of iron makes me look so sick,  and I am always tired, no energy to actually exercise, this sucks so badly/

Got to push onward

Step one: will be to clean out  my Facebook list

Mid week thoughts

A mid week post wowie, what a roll I am on.  HA.  My goal for hitting the treadmill every day this week has been a weak attempt.  My arthritics is so bad right now, walking is killing me.  I go to bed in pain and I am getting up in pain.  I want it to lighten up but far still waiting on that.  I haven’t had an attack this long or this bad since I was heavier. I am worried that my arthritics is getting worse. The pain killers I am taking for it, which really do not help are killing my stomach and over all things are just not working

And yet amidst all of this  I was thinking of over all goals.  Final totals and physicals goals.   I want to get down to 145 as my final weight total.  Seems  like a lot when I am sitting at 206, but I think I can do it.  Another goal is I want to do a marathon,  I want to  do the OK one.  I heard someone talk about it  and want to try it, 

Well that is all for now